doisconvolution

I thought this was a funny thing…

Richard Gere has a warrant for kissing a Bollywood personality on the cheek in India… click link for related video…

there should be a happy medium regarding public displays of affection…EVEN IN OLD-FASHIONED CULTURES.

of course North America is outraged by the violent response of some people in India (Some people burnt effigies of Richard Gere, for cripes sake!). of course they would see it as backward. with the mainstream "sexing" up of celebrities - and the rampant of proliferation of porn which desensitized everyone here in North America - a kiss on the cheek is tantamount to nothing. but i cringe to the fact that some people think they can do JUST ABOUT ANYTHING without considering other people’s norms and set of values (sorry Richard, i love you but you just emulated the 2 biggest peeves i have for some, if not most, of Westerners: IGNORANCE AND ARROGANCE).

of course SOME of the people in India are ultra-conservative. although i find this ironic bearing in mind that the BIBLE OF SEX originated from this culture. i even have Indian friends here in North America who were born here in North America who are afraid that they be seen hanging out with a boy holding hands by any of the members of their community and are terrified of the consequences (i have heard of stories of murder but im still thinking this is absolutely insane coz nothing has been reported in the media so far).

AND YET, i have to say that the rationale behind the outrage is decent, and protective. it comes from the desire to protect the value of the WOMAN - which most women in North America are striving for. We cringe at the fact that some men are pigs and don’t treat women right. i guess the men (and women) in India value their modesty VERY MUCH.

MY BOTTOMLINES ARE:
1) Some people just have to know how to relax and redefine their definition of modesty.
2) Some people just have to be and need to be aware of local culture first before considering to do something. IGNORANCE OF THE LAW (in this case, NORMS) EXCUSES NO ONE…

its all over the media, internet posts, blogs, wakekek…

we can theorize why these things happen, and think about a lot of things  -that the world is definitely coming to an end, or at least has reached a new low. i’m sick of it. and numb. i know it all happenned just yesterday but i dont wanna hear all about it anymore.

blame society? blame the NRA? blame america’s forefathers for drafting up that constitution? blame authorities for being too complacent? blame God for doing this to good people? blame his folks for sending him to America? WHO DO WE BLAME? OR DO WE BLAME AT ALL? OR SHOULD WE JUST KEEP SILENT ABOUT IT AND MOURN THOSE WHO DIED?

its a sad sad world… AND YET there are lessons to be learned… and i will go about it by asking you these questions:

have you stopped to gape (and mock) or simply not care enough for that geeky and weird individual in school, work, or neighborhood?

do you think you’re so cool that you alienate those who are uncool around you? and think that they’re beneath you?

or do you think you’re too much of a mother teresa to announce to the world that you care enough to create a "positive" space to talk to the "poor little souls in school" - which reinforces the stereotype and stigma even more?

have you smiled at a stranger lately? someone who may have needed it to turn his/her life around?

and this is going to be the last things i’m going to say about what has happenned in Virginia Tech…

may the souls of those who died rest in peace…

shit shit shit

fuck fuck FUCK!

i was such having a great day because i had a short day at work, my patients made me feel important and valued and validated (for being a very good nurse) and then i got this phonecall…

Charge nurse: D, what did Dr. F said about Mrs T’s orders??
Me: to D/C the insulin drip but give Humalog 8 units per meal and 20 units of Humulin R by bedtime…
Charge nurse: did he say this to you???
Me: no, i did not talk to him, i transcribed it off the orders…
Charge nurse: are you sure its humulin R?
Me: yes, it looked like an R…but i did see the pen Mrs T. gave me and it was an N so i wondered why it was an R that he ordered.
charge Nurse: why did you not question it???
Me: um…i got busy helping out so and so and it slipped my mind……um….(this time feeling sheepish, cornered, and debating whether at this point i should just say sorry which can prove 2 things: that im incompetent or i’m really sorry for the honest but life-threatening mistake, or that i insist that i saw R written instead of N)…

shit shit shit….

it freaked me out!!! what if she got that huge-a-hunkaaaa dose and bottomed out? what if the following nurse was stupid enough to not question it too??? what if? what if? what if???????? WOULD THAT THEN BE THE END OF ME??? that conversation i had with my charge nurse was like 5 hours ago and it still is freaking me out! i SWEEEEEEEEAAAAAAARRRRRRRR i’m not incompetent and i definitely care enough for my patients to let them DIE like that…. (i was lucky my patients blood sugar was over 20 sooner so they had to review the orders for any sliding scale so they caught it before it happenned……….)

BUT FUCK! i cannot be complacent like that anymore. even though it means my colleagues hating me for not helping them because i read and re-read my orders 50 million times over!!!

im surrounded by dorks.

am i a bad friend? listening to other people’s problems get me down…

nor their complaints…

maybe im unfair like that you know, stick only with prosperity and shy away from adversity.

just could not handle it. could not handle it at all.

sometimes i despise people who are intolerant like that. so i despise myself.

i dont know why its easy for me to let go.

does that mean i dont value people, things or relationships?

i get annoyed when people make so much ado about nothing, but then again they probably hate me coz i couldn’t care less.

i say forgiveness, although how hard is it to do, makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise..not to mention stress-free.

it takes too much effort and energy to hate someone’s guts.

that’s why i love everybody.

no i lied…to some extent, though.

people should stop assuming what other people think. it gets them to a lot of trouble..

i say talk it over, listen to each other, even though you are screaming at each other…

people should also listen and make note of body language.

people should just stop giving each other the cold shoulder…its freakin cold in Canada already.

growing up and dealing with certain types of people is a drag.

sometimes i wish we remain like children- get into a screaming match with someone and pulling their hair, and after both realize that they acted so silly, they would just proceed to lick their wounds and continue playing the tea party.

assuming someone is jealous of you is, i think, a bit arrogant and assuming.

people should find the joy of giving, and not feel burdened by it.

maybe i should just stop this nonsense typing…

i’m not done yet…

disclaimer: this post is not meant to stereotype. its just a reflection of what i have observed in my environment lately… reader discretion is advised…

While tommy was driving me to my house the other day, we were talking about high school - his high school in particular… somehow our topic of conversation has reached to "filipino girls". he was asking why Filipino girls easily get pregnant at a young age…

i was perplexed at this question. and i sometimes do think why they easily do get pregnant here in North America - where the Catholic Church is not that big of a stronghold and there’s no issue of using contraception and what not. but then i can’t help but feel bad about this question so i told him…

"it just appears that Filipino teenagers get pregnant easily because when they find out that they are pregnant, they [or i should say most of them] carry it to term because of their God-fearing parents…. Chinese teenagers on the other hand, have the same issue of getting pregnant easily, but its not as obvious in their group because they are easy to decide to have an abortion" (it’s sorta true although not supported by empirical evidence - i see the trend in a couple of hospitals now and not just one…)

and Tommy felt silent about it.

eversince my birthday i have been feeling anxious. there are too many things on my mind right now. i hate these thoughts and i try my best to rationalize and do self cognitive therapies in order to change these "negative" thoughts.

anxiety..pressure..i’m feeling this pressure to hurry up.. and this internal struggle to choose. i guess i’m getting too ambiguous here. it’s because i hate this topic and as a modern woman thriving in the contemporary world - i believe that i should not be worrying about these "backward" thinking…but the truth is: I  AM.

so ok… for honesty’s sake let me spill the beans:

I AM FEELING THE NEED TO SETTLE DOWN WITH A LIFE MATE AND PROCREATE - START HAVING CHILDREN.

its like inside me the sense of urgency could not be repressed. maybe this is what they call biological clock? or maybe i’m just PMS-ing. but the thing is, the feeling is still there even when after my rags has started. to the point where i almost end up crying for the things i still cannot have at this moment.

sure i have a boyfriend who dearly loves me soo much. but i cant help but unconciously spite him for taking soooo much time to save his resources and muster up the courage to ask me THE QUESTION…i know he’s just being responsible by making sure we have what we need before doing the "marriage" thing, but somehow some inner bridezilla in me is waiting to unleash itself.

sure i have the job that can pay for the mortgage that i want, for childcare and registered educational plans for my future offsprings… but it will take another 2-3 years for me to clear my present financial entanglements - the student loan i took in order to get myself an education.

sure i have the readiness of an excited and expectant mother… but i just cant do that right now for i also want to travel the world (or at least 2 continents).

i wish there was something i can do right now to quiet these anxious thoughts….

yesterday was a happy day. as some of you may know, it was my birthday yesterday. i turned 27. at first the thought of becoming 27 scared me - 2 years past 25 indeed is a long time already. i looked back at my life and thought of what i have accomplished so far -at 27. and instead of being disappointed from the thought of what may have been and of what did and didn’t happen, i was surprised to feel peace and bliss of the things that have happenned so far.

as some of you may know, my life was on hold for 5 years. with the big move to a different country, to going back to university from scratch, and finding my first "professional" job when my contemporaries have already moved up the corporate ladder and started spurting out small versions of themselves and their loved ones. to have BIG plans for oneself and have some other people decide your fate is a big deal. but i now realize it was the best decision my parents made to date.

for 5 years i have learned: how it is to work so you can help your family survive in a strange and new land, to send myself to school and work at the same time without the financial help of my parents, and that other people of different cultures and background are not so different from me.

and for 5 years i have appreciated the fruits of hard labour - to have graduated and to find a great job without the help of family and some cronies to get you into a secure job spot.

knowing all these things, i felt myself content. now i can move on in my life the way i want it to be and do the things that i am looking forward to in the future - graduate school all the way to my PhD, settling down with my loved one and buying a property of my own, travel the world, and eventually spurt out mini-me’s-& he’s.

here’s to me and the many birthdays ahead…CHEERS!

—o0o—

yesterday was a fund day as well. my colleagues treat me out to lunch (and i had the mango-rita, virgin of course coz we still had to go back to work; and the biggest meatball i’ve ever seen with my spaggheti and meatball, and casear’s salad). me, my sis, and tommy took me to Moxies for dinner - and i had a medium well steak with my salad, and the yummiest brownie cake i’ve ever tasted…